Post exam emo-ness

Dear Nana,
I think you must've been pretty upset with the way I behaved today. Its like I wasn't myself. I'm dissapointed with the way things turned out, not the way I wanted them to have turned out. The way I talked to mom and dad was so, so rude... I dunno, this whole day seems to have gone wrong. I just wish I could let everything out and be happy that its out. Not only did I hurt mom and dad, I hurt myself... Inside it hurts, kinda....

Love,
Jono.

Dear bro,
I cannot tell ya how much I miss ya man. I miss Nan too and some other people as well. Sometimes it hurts so. At nights it just kinda gets too much at times. Sigh... Anyway, today the one thing that went right was church. I served the whole day and it feels like I accomplished something. I got the thumbs up for what I did, that's probably the only thing I did right today I suppose. Like I said, its as though I'm not myself today. I feel kinda depressed really... Its supposed to be after exams, upcoming trip and all. But I don't feel happy at all. I just feel really bad inside. I think sometimes I just need a shoulder but there appears to be none...

Love,
Kid bro.

Thanks to the person who sent me this song. I appreciate it. Much love to ya.

I'll try to make the sun shine brighter for you
I will even play the fool if it makes you smile
I'll try to make you laugh if there's a tear in your eye
After all is said
After all is done
I'd do anything for you

Come with me, close your eyes
Hold my hand, it'll be alright
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Lift your head it's gonna be alright

I'll try to make the stars shine brighter for you
And I'll take you on my shoulders, hold you way up high
I'll even chase the rainbow hanging in the sky
COs after all is said
After all is done
I'd do anything for you

Come with me, close your eyes
Hold my hand, it'll be alright
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Lift your head it's gonna be alright

Through the eyes of innocence
You will find, you will see
There'll come a time it all makes sense
And you won't know, but it will show inside, deep inside

Come with me, close your eyes
Hold my hand, it'll be alright
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Lift your head it's gonna be alright

I'll try to make the days last longer for you
From the daybreak, 'til the sunset, 'til the end of time
I'll keep you safe, away from the heartache
COs when all is said
And when all is done
I'd do anything for you

Come with me, close your eyes
Hold my hand, it'll be alright
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Lift your head it's gonna be alright

To all my fellow readers (esp Mom2 & Miss Phyllis), I think its just a phase for the moment. Some of you have noted that the light hearted posts have been replaced with sombre, emo posts. Well, I am emo and sombre at times. Like today. Sorry you guys have to put up with another poster who just writes about the angst of life. I know its not what you want to hear. My life should be happier, its us who choose and make decisions after all isn't it? I could choose to be happier I know. Sigh... Now I should really shut up.

-LIVESTRONG!-
Heads Up and Stay Strong
Be Proud

Season 13!

Dear Nana,
Most of the exams are over. I'm glad for that. Soon, we'll all be free for the holidays. There's going to be a class chalet too. So, goooo 05! Can't wait, yet at the same time I need to be patient. Heh, quite a challenge eh?

Love,
Jono.

Dear bro,
There are always stereotypes aren't there? Everywhere you go, perceptions play a part. Kinda sad sometimes... Like this up coming season of survivor. The "minorities" might be bound to be edited according to the stereoty[pes of their race. Look what they've shown so far. The Asian guy with the martial arts, the Asian girl who studies so hard and can't shut her mouth, the big black woman, the black guy who cannot swim, the overtly religious black woman. Sigh, when will all these stereotypes stop?

Love,
Kid bro.

So what is a blog with the name survivor-freak without some survivor news? Season 13, Survivor: Cook Islands starts airing in less than a month's time. Oooh, hope it doesn't conflict with the chalet! Anyway, for non spoiler people, do not highlight.

Season 13: Cook Islands
4 tribes
20 castaways
Rumoured tribes by race (1 white, 1 black, 1 Asian, 1 hispanic)
Possible contestants:
Brad Virata (Asian), Becky Lee (Asian), Adam Gentry (white), Jessica "Flica Flame" Smith (white), Cecilia (hispanic) and Sundra (black).

Spoilers end here.

-LIVESTRONG!-
Heads Up and Stay Strong
Be Proud

Personality

You Are An ENFJ

The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed. Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections. Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

What's Your Personality Type?

This is true of me. Heheh. Love you babe.

-LIVESTRONG!-
Heads Up and Stay Strong
Be Proud

Half way through

Dear Nana,
Today's gonna be a short one. I really have to thank my classmates for distributing the tips that helped me during today's CONB exam. I truly appreciate them going the extra mile to type it out and send it to us in time to study. The best part was that the tips did appear. Love you Nan.

Love,
Jono.

Dear bro,
Ah well, we had an okay exam today. I'd say that law was easier to manage than consumer behaviour. Then again, I was never good at business modules... I went out with a few classmates today and we had lunch and watched Click together. Seriously, a touching movie. The ending destroyed it though...

Love,
Kid bro.

Shout outs:
Dak: Dude, stay strong, stay strong. Yer doing fine. Proud of ya indeed. Happy 1 year 1 month.
ZL & Arisya: Thanks guys for being so prompt to send out the tips and circulate them.

-LIVESTRONG!-
Heads Up and Stay Strong
Be Proud

Destressing

Dear Nana,
I wonder how yer doing. Letting go takes time. But I think its getting easier now. We love ya, a lot. So its been kinda hard. However, as I've said, people come, people help. They're great people. Anyway, LSC exam was like yesterday and CONB is tomorrow. I think LSC was manageable, I hope CONB will be the same. I wish mom and dad wouldn't worry about what time I sleep and what not, cause, I can take care of myself. I know its exam day eve, but I'll get sufficient rest. And I know I did my best to revise, so I just gotta give it my best. No matter what, I know you'll be proud.

Love,
Jono.

Dear bro,
Phew... Exams. I don't think I have ever been this, uhm, anxious about exams before. Why should I be? Well, lots at stake. Maybe because these subjects are harder to study for? Just gotta keep on working, gotta give it the best I have. And I should know that what I have done was to my best and that there's only so much I could've done. Granted, I could've done things differently but what's done is a done deal and nothing I can do now is gonna change that. Thanks for listening and helping me just get ready to face that silly piece of paper.

Love,
Kid bro.

Just thought I'd do a shout out.

Shout Out:
Dak: Dude, thanks so much for being there. Good to talk to someone who understands. Love ya.
Mesh: Thanks Mesh for the support. You've been another great one to talk to. Thanks for understanding. Wishing ya the best in tomorrow's paper.
DMC2A05: Dudes and dudettes, all the best for tomorrow. Do yer best and give it all you've got. 05 no fear.
Other DMC friends: Eh, you guys ain't forgotten. Do yer best guys. All the best.
Kay Jen: Funny gal you. Thanks for the prayer support.
Fano: Eh, you learnt photbucket! I am so proud! Haha. Have fun at work.

-LIVESTRONG!-
Heads Up and Stay Strong
Be Proud

Far Away

Dear Nana,
This past weekend has been hard on me in the least. Too much on my mind, been thinking too much, not been well and yeah, you know, the usual. I felt like my brain should explode with all that was going on in there. And the truth is that I miss ya a LOT. Sometimes I dunno, the fact that yer not around anymore... It just hits back home hard.

But I'm thankful for the pillars of strength that I've met on the way, I'm so thankful for them. For people who I can rely on. And people who have been strengths to me themselves, people to talk to, people who understand.

Nan, yer missed a lot. Love ya.

Love,
Jono.

Dear bro,
How've you been? Past week, heh... Ups and downs, been really emotional. Mom's taken good care of me though, silly flu. There have been easier times of course. You know how it is, you go through the motions. Get tossed around and all. I suppose its the upcoming exams, the project reports and all that got to me, along with dealing with Nan going off too... Its been one week, slightly more. I never cried when I was there. I feel like crying now though.

Also missing ya bro.

Love,
Kid bro.

Thanks to the person who dedicated this song to me. Means a lot.

This time, this place
Misused, mistakes
Too long, too late
Who was i to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
You know, you know

(chorus)
That i love you
I have loved you all along
And i miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, i'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, i'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but i won't give up
'Cause you know,
You know, you know

(chorus)

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause i needed
I need to hear you say
That i love you
I have loved you all along
And i forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause i'm not leaving
Hold on to me and, never let me go

-LIVESTRONG!-
Heads Up and Stay Strong
Be Proud

And here's to you

I can't help it, I can't help it...


Dear Nana,
Its been a week already. Sigh. I dunno, I'm still really tired of stuff. Kinda drained, guess my sleeping habits haven't helped either. Exams are round the corner, gotta do well, gotta do well. Didn't get a good report on the MMR report from Ms. Kwa. I'm not gonna dwell on it, I'm not going to point fingers. There's nothing I could've done that would've changed things. I'm going to leave this as a short one today.

Love,
Jono.

Dear bro,
Its hard to let go, especially when you've just lost someone. Its hard, its hard. Especially someone whom you were close to. Ah shucks, I'm gonna go spinning into this emo me for awhile again I suppose. I try to move on, I try to get over it. But I'm only human...

Love,
Kid bro.

-LIVESTRONG!-
Heads Up and Stay Strong
Be Proud

The days after

Dear Nana,
I've just been too tired to update lately. Had very little sleep the past two days, so I K.O.ed today for a long while. Having this study week helps. It gives us time to sleep and reclaim all those lost hours.

Mom showed me the email Diane sent to all of us today - it was nice, she wrote good things about you. Chrissy replied too, but I didn't read that bit. This just shows how much everyone loves and misses you. I know Elaine's feeling that the house is rather empty now. Aunty Dah's gone, Uncle Berty and Aunty Ivy went back to PD, Aunty Tina and Uncle Kit went with them, Ava's gone back but most of all, you're not there. That's the biggest difference. The biggest AND most obvious difference.

So, Nan, here's to remembering you always.

Love,
Jono.

Dear bro,
Yesterday was kind of a good day. A few things happened that totally made my day. I spent Sunday night, after getting back from Nana's funeral, at Gajan's house with him and Shaun to complete our DMA since they had problems with importing the flash movie. I couldn't solve it either... Anyway, yesterday...

I managed to finish all my assignments on time, as a result of sleep depravation. Nevertheless... It was good and the team was happy. That was most important. It doesn't matter if we're not the best group with the best idea, what matters is that we were able to work together to hand up our project done to what we think is good and to hand that in on time. Its no use being the group with the best idea but the poorest execution and not even handing it up on time. And when I say that, I'm not refering to anyone in particular, just as an example.

Things are going well here. Happy the way they are. Everyone's been so helpful and supportive, most of all, my project mates. Love ya and yer family. Missing ya too.

Love,
Kid bro.

To all those who sent their sympathies, condolences and understood my situation, to my project mates, those who helped and lecturers at school, my thanks for being so understanding and helpful the past weekend.

-LIVESTRONG!-
Heads Up and Stay Strong
Be Proud

"Mama"

Dedicating this song to my late grandmother. Always so caring and gentle, remembered for eternity.



Dear Nana,
You've gone now. I hope you didn't have to suffer. Just know that your faith is strong and that the Lord will be pleased with you and your service. I can just imagine him welcoming you with, "Well done thy faithful servant". Know that you will be missed dearly by all, children and grandchildren, friends and friends of ours alike. You left a legacy behind.

You were a person who was giving and giving, helping the people of Kenya. You shared your experiences and your skills with others. Those days of scrabble and boggle will be remembered. Every Christmas memory, ever bite of Nestum cake, every one of your dishes, your hospitality, your openess, sound advice, every one of your birthday bashes will be forever placed in the treasure chest of memories.

The lgeacy you left behind will always be remembered. I hope you were happy in your last days.

Love,
Jono.

Dear bro.
Nana's gone now. Another person gone, forever missed. Sigh. I dunno, this is such a trying time I'd have to say. Assessments, projects, tests, exams all within these few weeks. Now I have to see Nan one last time, its only right. How do I balance all these out? What's going to happen? Sigh. Missing you too...

Love,
Kid bro.

-LIVESTRONG!-
Heads Up and Stay Strong
Be Proud

We are tired

Pictures will be up on the photo blog shortly, the pictures from our last MMR tutorial I mean. Sad isn't it? No more Rajan day and now no more Kwa day. Then no more Sheila day after Wednesday passes. Nevertheless, we are tired. *yawn*

Just take a look at DMC2A05. Everyone wishes for extra sleeping hours, next week we'll have it no doubt. Okay, forgive me for going off tangent but by calculations so far I have come to the conclusion that I have passed the CAC module. Now time to get down to the nitty gritty of LSC, OM, CONB and MMR. Not to mention the CAs for DMA, MMR-CONB and FW and CAC none the less.

Back to being tired. Ms Peter had a fit (well sorta) last Thursday. Heh, Ms Peter, Ms Peter, what we'll do during the 3-5pm LSC tutorial if you were not there I wouldn't know. Probably fall asleep on the lecturer eh?

3 more days people! 3 more days! And then we can run free for our exams. Hop over the hurdles. Gonna put all remaining energy into the next 1 month to finish the exams off.

Meanwhile... I wonder how Nana is doing. Not been hearing good stuff just hope she's okay and if she were to go I'd think it be better for her. She's 92 after all... But she's afraid to go. Of all people to be afraid, she'd be the last on your list. Mom's subtly upset - it's not obvious but ya can see it. She's saying that nan's like straving to death cause she can't swallow no more and they won't allow a drip back home.

Hospital's not an option cause nan doesn't want to be there. Poor thing, she wants to live yet her body is working against her. Sigh... Old age eh? There's no hiding it, she's dying. Its just taking so long and so painfully. She suffered so many years ago and she is undoubtly suffering now. Slowly ebbing away.... The light, the glow is going out.

Dearest Nana,
Thank you for the grandma you are,
Wish you won't be so far,
But to us you'll always be a star.

You've always been a fighter,
But just take it easy and lay back this time.
And maybe you'll find the burden lighter,
Fly with the wind and the chime.

Soar above all Nan.

Dear bro,
Nan's gonna be joining you sometime soon. Its as though I'm slowly losing everyone one by one... Sigh. Take care.

Love,
Kid bro.

-LIVESTRONG!-
Heads Up and Stay Strong
Be Proud